THE DIRECTORS CUT
DAY 38
09.15am
Most of the housemates are still in bed. Brian is in the garden giggling hysterically and talking to himself about Sam and Amanda. Brian has had an erection for most of the morning. Brian is asking himself which one of the twins he is the most attracted to. Brian admits that while he quite fancies Amanda, Sam is also very attractive, and because of this he finds it very difficult to choose between them. Brian then tells himself that it doesn’t really matter, as both Sam and Amanda much prefer Liam anyway. Brian then starts laughing and tells himself to behave, before asking himself to leave, as he wishes to be alone with his thought.
10.15am
Some of the housemates are in the kitchen. Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bedroom having a conversation about an argument they had the previous night. Chanelle tells Ziggy that she is pleased they have made up, as today will probably be her final day in the Big Brother house. Ziggy tells Chanelle that the only reason they argued was because she continually wants to talk about things that he told her he doesn’t want to talk about, such as smoking, Charley, and what life will be like together in the outside world. Chanelle tells Ziggy that all she had done was ask him if he was going into the garden for a cigarette. Ziggy tells Chanelle that she is doing it again, and to please stop bringing up the subject, as he doesn’t want to talk about anymore. Before pacing up and down the bedroom with his head in his hands, muttering under his breath. Chanelle looks gormlessly at Ziggy for a few seconds before apologising and promising never to mention it again.
11.15am
Gerry, Charley and the twins are in the lounge. Gerry and his teddy are on the fish phone. Talking to Gerry’s mother about how life in the house would send him completely insane, if he wasn’t able to ring her every day to tell her his troubles. Charley and Carole are in the kitchen talking. Charley is asking Carole if she can have the sweets back, that she asked Carole to hide for her earlier in the week. Carole tells Charley that she cant have them back, and that if she wanted the sweets she shouldn’t have asked her to hide them in the first place. Charley tells her that she asked her to hide them as they were hers, and she didn’t want the rest of the housemates to eat them. Carole tells her to f$$king have them then, before bursting into tears, pulling the sweets out of her pocket and throwing them on the floor in disgust. Charley tell Carole that there is no need to get upset because she wasn’t lying, before going on to tell Carole about the time she enjoyed a torrid threesome with Bugs Bunny and Elmo Fudd
12.45pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Laura is in the bathroom lay on the floor, struggling for breath after trying to go for a poo 24 minutes ago. The twins are in the bedroom. Sitting on their bed facing each other, while applying their make up, and wondering why their reflections are not moving in an identical manner.
1.34pm
Tracey, Laura and Liam are in the garden talking about Nicky. Tracey and Laura are asking Liam whether he is interested in Nicky, as it is obvious to everyone that despite what she says, she is obviously very attracted to him. Liam tells them that while he thinks Nicky is a very nice girl, she is just a little too possessive for his tastes, and how he isn’t really interested in anything more than friendship. Nicky who has been listening from behind a bush, stands up and tells Liam that she isn’t possessive at all, and she doesn’t want to be his friend as she actually thinks he is a lecherous pervert. Before dragging Tracey and Laura into the house, and threatening to rip their faces off if they ever speak to him again.
2.54pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Ziggy and Chanelle are in the caravan talking about an argument they had earlier in the day, while discussing the argument they had the previous night. Ziggy tells Chanelle that he doesn’t want to argue anymore, and the only reason they do so is because she keeps bringing up subjects he doesn’t want to talk about, and how he is certain things will be different once they are together in the outside world. Chanelle agrees, and tells him that once they are outside they will be both be a lot more relaxed about their relationship. Ziggy tells Chanelle that she is doing it again, and to please stop bringing up the subject, as he doesn’t want to talk about anymore. Before pacing up and down the caravan with his head in his hands, muttering under his breath. Chanelle looks gormlessly at Ziggy for a few seconds before apologising and promising never to mention it again
4.42pm
Brian, Gerry and the twins are in the bedroom talking. Brian is telling Gerry and the twins about the art of self-hypnosis, and how all they have to do is close their eyes, count slowly to ten, and take themselves to a happy place in their minds. The twins tell Brian that they are already in a happy place, before skipping playfully into the garden and chasing each other around the pool. Once Gerry is under hypnosis. Brian tells him that when he wakes up, he will no longer want to talk about boring stuff, such as philosophy and museums, and the book he is writing about how to chat up girls. Gerry agrees, before waking up and telling Brian about his homosexual lifestyle and the 2 thousand men he has recently slept with. Brian sighs and immediately starts counting to ten, before putting himself into a trance.
5.45pm
Most of the housemates are in the garden. Tracey is proper Aving it, and keeping it real by moving into the caravan and pretending she is back living in a car park. Liam is in the diary room talking about Nicky. Liam is telling Big Brother that at first he liked Nicky, but he has now realised she is completely obsessed with him, and how she frequently follows him around the house when he wants to be alone. Nicky who has been hiding behind the diary room chair, stands up and tells Liam that far from being obsessed with him she finds him completely repugnant, and that the only reason she follows him around the house is because they happen to be going to the same places at exactly the same time. Before calling Liam a lecherous pervert, throwing open the diary room and storming off into the lounge.
6.50pm
Charley and Carole are in the bedroom. Carole is on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor while Charley is putting on her 3rd outfit of the day. Charley is telling Carole about how popular she will be in the outside world, because she is far and away the most beautiful and entertaining housemate. Carole tells Charley, that if she is so popular, why was she booed on her way into the house, and during every eviction night so far. Charley tells Carole that in much the same way as her cousin Kieran Richardson at Manchester United. Charley is booed because she is so talented, and because all of her fans are jealous of her success. Charley then tells Carole that she isn’t lying, before going onto to tell her about the time she was spit roasted by Alex Ferguson and Christiano Ronaldo in the Old Trafford dressing rooms.
7.34pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bedroom getting ready for tonight’s eviction. Ziggy has his fingers crossed behind his back, and is telling Chanelle that he really hopes she stays, and that if she does stay, he really hopes they can stop all the pointless bickering, and get back to how they were during their first few weeks together in the house. Chanelle agrees, and promises to never mention cigarettes, Charley, or their life together outside the house ever again, as long as it means they don’t have any more arguments. Ziggy tells Chanelle that she is doing it again, and to please stop bringing it up, as he doesn’t want to talk about anymore. Before pacing up and down the bedroom with his head in his hands, muttering under his breath.
9.25pm
All of the housemates are gathered in the lounge, when Davina announces that Laura is the next housemate to be evicted. Laura is pretending to be pleased, while everybody else is pretending to be upset. Chanelle is in shock, and starts hugging Ziggy while telling him how pleased she is that they are going to be spending at least another week together. Ziggy tells her he is pleased too, before excusing himself and entering the bedroom. Where he immediately throws himself to the floor, and begins beating the ground in frustration.
10.20pm
Laura has been evicted. All of the housemates are in the lounge. When Pauline, an actress pretending to be a contestant in the Australian Big Brother house appears on the Big Screen. Brian starts telling the others how he was watching the Australian version of Big Brother before the show started, and how he recognized her straight away. Liam and Ziggy mention how attractive she is, and are stared at by Nicky and Chanelle, who both immediately storm off into the bedroom, and begin telling telling each other about what a bitch Pauline is.
11.37pm
Most of the housemates are in bed. Gerry and his teddy are in the lounge, talking to Gerry`s mother on the fish phone, and asking her to tell them a bedtime story as hearing the sound of her voice is the only thing keeping him from going insane. Ziggy is in the garden. Frantically pacing up and down while shaking his head and muttering the words “why me” over and over again.
02.30pm
Most of the housemates are asleep. Nicky is sitting on the end of Liam`s bed, frantically rocking backwards and forwards while holding a meat cleaver.
Big Brother immediately calls Nicky to the diary room.
For more stories over the past 24-hours log onto www.channel4.com/bigbrother
