DAY 59
08.32am
Most of the housemates are asleep. Ziggy and Chanelle are in bed together. Chanelle is naked and vigorously riding up and down on top of Ziggy, while Ziggy is continually asking her who is the daddy? Chanelle informs him that he is the daddy, before telling Ziggy that she really hopes that the cameras cant see them, as the footage of her having sex, live on national television, would be rather embarrassing for her watching family and friends. Ziggy tells Chanelle that they are not doing anything wrong, and she has no reason to worry about shaming herself, as Big Brother has no interest in their relationship, and the cameras are actually focusing on the rest of the housemates sleeping in their beds. Chanelle thanks him for putting her mind at rest, before once again riding him like Lester Piggot.
10.55am
Some of the housemates are in the caravan. Tracey is in the garden, proper Aving it, and keeping it real, by crawling on her hands and knees in the smoking area, searching for a dimp.
Gerry, and the twins are lying in bed discussing Carole, who has been busy cleaning the lounge for 1 hour and 45 minutes. Gerry tells the twins that Carole does too much work around the house, and she should really ask Charley to contribute more, as it isn’t fair to expect everybody else to do it. Amanda tells Gerry that Charley is clearly Carole’s favourite, as she continually got away with doing no work at all during her stay in the house, while people like her, Sam and Gerry are expected to do everything. Gerry agrees with her, and is telling them that just because they spend most of the day in bed, it doesn’t mean they are lazy, when Carole enters from the lounge.
Carole asks the Gerry, Sam, and Amanda if one of them would like to help wash the dishes, as she needs to clean the bathroom, and wash and dry everybody’s clothes in readiness for tonight eviction. Gerry and the twins tell Carole that they would really love to help but they are far too busy right now, before pulling the bedclothes over their heads and pretending to be asleep by snoring very loudly.
Carole sighs very deeply and re-enters the lounge.
12.54pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Charley and Brian are in the bedroom arguing about which one of them is the stupidest. Charley tells Brian that she is the stupidest as despite all the evidence to the contrary she firmly believes she is very popular in the outside world. Brian tells charley that she doesn’t know what she is talking about, because he is so stupid, he thought Shakespeare was something a tribesman did when he became annoyed. Charley picks up a glass of water and is about to throw it at Brian, when Sam enters from the lounge and asks them what they would like for lunch today? Scrambled egg on toast, or some cereal? Charley and Brian inform Sam that scrambled egg on toast would be very enjoyable, before once again, continuing their argument after Sam has returned to the lounge
2.10pm
Liam and the twins are laughing and joking in the pool. Liam is throwing the twins up in the air and them catching them, while sliding them slowly up and down his body, in an innocent and playful manner. Liam has had an erection for 23 minutes.
Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bathroom. Ziggy is in sitting on the floor in the shower, asking Chanelle if he is the daddy? While Chanelle is leaning across Ziggy with her head in his lap, nodding up and down enthusiastically. Chanelle pauses momentarily and tells Ziggy that she really hopes the cameras aren’t watching, as she would hate to degrade herself while on national television. Ziggy tells Chanelle that she has no need to worry, as the Big Brother cameras cannot see through the shower room door, and that he would never ask her to do anything that would embarrass her in front of her family and friends. Chanelle thanks him for putting her mind at rest, before once again putting her head in his lap, and enthusiastically agreeing with everything he says.
4.34pm
Charley and Tracey are in the caravan talking about tonight’s eviction. Charley is telling Tracey that she still cant believe she has been nominated, as she never lies, and she is far and away the most popular housemate in the history of Big Brother. Tracey tells Charley that it could possibly be because she has been arguing so much with the rest of the house during her stay. Charley tells Tracey that she hasn’t argued with anybody, apart from Chanelle, Ziggy, Liam, Brian, Gerry, the twins, Carole, Nicky, Laura, Billi, Jonathon, Emily, Lesley, Seany, Shabnam, Davina, Big Brother, 14 of the cameramen, and the driver of the car that delivered her to the Big Brother house. Tracey tells Charley that whichever one of them leaves, she is glad that she and Charley are friends, and that she hopes they stay in touch once they have both been evicted. Charley tells Tracey, that she isn’t being funny; but that she wouldn’t be seen dead with somebody like her in the outside world. Before giving Tracey a hug and asking her if she would like to come outside for a cigarette, and a friendly gossip.
5.15pm
Most of the housemates are in the garden. Gerry is in the diary room talking to Big Brother about the possibility of introducing some new housemates. Gerry tells Big Brother that he has become so sexually frustrated during his time in the house that he is actually beginning to find Carole attractive. Big Brother asks Gerry what kind of housemates he would like to see introduced. Gerry jokingly tells Big Brother that he has become so desperate for sex, that he would quite willingly settle for a weird Scottish bisexual wearing a skirt, or even an overweight, balding middle aged virgin, who’s buttocks he could spank on a nightly basis.
Big Brother tells Gerry they will consider his request and get back to him.
6.01pm
Some of the housemates are in the bedroom. Liam is lay on his bed, while Sam and Amanda are giving him a massage whilst wearing their bikinis. Liam has had an erection for 4 minutes. Liam has just turned over, and is tickling the twins in an innocent and playful manner, when Carole enters from the lounge. Carole asks Liam and the twins if one of them would like to help prepare the meal. As she still wants to vacuum the bedroom, and scrub out the bath in readiness for tonight's eviction. Liam and the twins tell Carole that would love to help only they are very busy right now. Before yawning very loudly, stretching their arms, telling Carole they are all tuckered out and quickly climbing under the covers.
Carole sighs very deeply before re-entering the lounge.
6.55pm
Most of the housemates are in the garden. Ziggy and Chanelle are in the caravan. Chanelle is naked and hanging from the caravan ceiling, while Ziggy is standing in front of her, holding her buttocks, moving her up and down, and continually asking her who is the daddy? Chanelle tells Ziggy that he is the daddy, before asking him if he is sure the cameras cant see them? As she doesn’t wish to gain herself a reputation of being easy, once she leaves the Big Brother house. Ziggy assures Chanelle that her reputation is perfectly safe, as nobody can see them, but tells her he will close the blinds on the window, just to be on the safe side. Chanelle thanks Ziggy for being so considerate, before once again wrapping her ankles around his back, and screaming like a Banshee.
7.23pm
Most of the housemates are getting dressed. Charley and Brian are in the bathroom arguing about Emily. Charley tells Brian that despite what she said to her, Emily was a very nice person, with a really gorgeous ar$e. Brian tells Charley that he doesn’t care how gorgeous her ar$e was, because he still wouldn’t like to have her as a friend due to her racist comment. Charley calls Brian an ar$ehole, before leaping on him and grappling him to the floor. Charley and Brian are rolling around the floor, with their hands around each other’s throats, when Sam enters and asks them both if they would like a nice cup of tea once they are finished? Charley and Brian tell Sam that a cup of tea would be lovely, before once again resuming their fight once Sam has left.
9.22pm
All of the housemates have been gathered in the lounge, and are seated on the sofa’s chanting GET CHARLEY OUT. When Davina announces that Charley is the sixth person to be evicted, and Big Brothers ratings immediately drop by 30%. Charley leaps up and begins telling everyone, that she isn’t lying, and that she really isn’t bovvered about leaving, because she knows how popular she is in the outside world, and that she is going to make a million pounds anyway. While the rest of the housemates, lead by Chanelle. Form a conga line and begin dancing around the house.
10.40pm
Charley has left the Big Brother house. To help counteract the 30% drop in ratings, Big Brother has locked the remaining housemates in the bedroom. While 5 new potential housemates enter the halfway house next door.
David Parnaby. A 25-year-old Scottish pagan bisexual
Shanessa O Reilly. A 27 year old, very strangely shaped woman from Cardiff.
Kara Louise Horne. A 22-year-old smiley woman from Harrow, who looks nothing like Mariah Carey.
Jonty Stern. A 36-year-old virgin from London, who likes to speak fluent Yiddish, while spanking his teddy.
Amy Alexandra. A 21-year-old shelf stacker, who likes to get naked in front of the cameras.
Big Brother once again gathers the housemates in the lounge, before calling David to the diary room, and telling him that he will be spending a trial period in the main house. Chanelle, the twins, and Gerry instantly begin leaping around the room in orgasmic delight, as Ziggy watches suspiciously from the sofa. While everyone is hugging David and telling him how pleased they are to see him, Carole collapses on the floor with exhaustion, and asks if anybody can help her as she is feeling absolutely shattered. While everyone is ignoring Carole and pretending she isn’t there. David approaches and tells Carole that he would love to help, but he has had a very long day, and is feeling very tired himself. Before yawning very loudly, and pretending to fall asleep on the sofa.
Carole sighs very deeply, before immediately passing out.
3.14am
Most of the housemates are asleep. Gerry is in the lounge pretending he is talking to the Australian housemates, and telling them how happy he is that Charley has been evicted, and that there are some new people in the house, before asking the Australian housemates if they would like to speak to his monkey.
Ziggy and Chanelle are in the diary room. Chanelle is naked and bent over the diary room chair while Ziggy is taking her furiously from behind, and asking her who is the daddy? Chanelle tells Ziggy that he is the daddy, and asks him if he is sure that Big Brother has gone to bed, as she cant help feeling like she is being watched, and she would hate to humiliate herself while on national television. Ziggy assures Chanelle that they are perfectly safe, as even Big Brother has to go to sleep at some time, but tells her that he will close the diary room door just to be on the safe side. Chanelle thanks Ziggy for putting her mind at rest before dropping to her knees in front of him. Ziggy is about to reach orgasm when Sam enters and asks them both if they would like a nice cup of cocoa when they have finished whatever it is they are doing. Chanelle tells Sam that a cup of cocoa would go down a treat, before once again resuming her ministrations.
Big Brother has had an erection for 24 minutes.
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