(On a once deserted beach on a mysterious island. a passenger airliner has recently crashed and the mid section of the wreckage lies stricken in the sand. fortunately, not long after the crash. two of the survivors known as dawn and George were sucked into the still working engine and instantly vaporised. Never to be seen or heard from ever again. Away from the wreckage. Groups of passengers are huddled together, trying to take comfort from each other as they survey the disastrous scene before them. The survivors have been stranded on the beach for 6 hours and 44 minutes)
DAY1 6.32PM
(Two of the freaks, Lea and Pete have separated themselves from the group and are discussing how the accident may have possibly been caused)
LEA "I tell ya wot Petey. I ope nobody tries to blame me for all this, just cause i was sookin off the pilot when eet appened, it aint my fault the f00kin plane crashed, if the co pilot adent bin takin me from behind at the same time weed ave probally been all reet"
PETE "eh? what you talking about Lea? Click click, your fakin WICKED man! Its not your fault were lost is it? Meeoww! Its the mysterious island innit, its just weird and freaky man W.$.N.K.E.R!" (Thumps self on chest)
LEA "Well if its not my fault why em i always the one bein f00kin basted targeted then, they’re always talking aboot me behind meh back them lot, ive done f00k all to no-one me, i dint deserve it, its proper sheet! I’m tellin ya"
(As they are talking a young pot bellied Mancunian walks over to them and introduces herself)
BONNIE "Iyer my names bonnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
PETE "Nice to meet you Bonner W.$.N.K.E.R"
BONNIE "No its Bonnieeeeeeeeeee not Bonnerrrrrrrrrrrrr, ermmm i was just wunderin, have either of you seen meh suitcase? Only I’m lost without itttt, its got meh sexy pink t shirt in, meh sexy pink boots, meh sexy pink bikiniiii, its got everythin and everyfinnnnnnnnnnnn, i cant be the real meee until i find ma suitcaseeeeeeeeeee, have either of you two seen etttttttt?"
PETE "Errr? No! Sorry Bonner, hehehehehe" (punches self in face)
BONNIE "Aw well, f$ck it then, I’ll just go away then shall ahhhhhhhhh"
(The young pot bellied Mancunian walks away and continues to look for her suitcase)
LEA "Did you see that? Did you see the way she were lukin at me? Even Bonner f00kin ates me nahhhh, she don’t even know me! If it aunt them lot slagging us off behind us back, its them f00kin OTHERS whispering about me in the jungle, well that’s it im telling ya, i aint fookin stayin where i aint wanted, i aint anging around ere to get slagged off by no-one"
(Lea gets up and shuffles away holding her breasts, Petey runs after her in a wacky and outrageous manner. eventually he grabs her and starts giving her a hug. Lea casually guides his head deep into her cleavage)
PETE (muffled) "What the fak you going on about Lea? You can’t walk out now; we’ve only been here a few hours. Whistle, click click. You’ve got to stop bein so fakin paranoid man, (thumps self in mouth) everyone loves ya on this island, you’ve been like a mum to everyone, we all fakin love ya man W.A.N.K.E.R"
LEA "Eeeeh Petey yer fookin WICKED you are, SH1T ottt, you always know ow to make me feel better! If i ever ave a son, i ope he turns out just like yer"
PETE "What the fak you talkin about Lea? Meeoooowwww, you ave got a son, you told us about him remember, click click?"
LEA "Tw$ting ell, i forgot all bout im"
(Suddenly Lea has a flashback as she remembers her son. in her mind she is no longer on the island, she is in a film studio back in Nottingham. Lea is naked and bent over a kitchen table, whilst she is being vigorously taken from behind by a pizza delivery boy. as the camera crew looks on a young boy dressed in school uniform approaches her)
LEA`S SON "Mum, are you going to be much longer? I need some help me with my homework."
LEA "grunt grunt, Shouldn’t be long nah son, grunt grunt, just to need to get the money shot then am all yours"
LEA`S SON (deep sigh) Ok mum, I’ll go and wait in the car park."
(The young boy disappears from the studio as lea continues to get porked)
(Suddenly Lea is back on the island, safely in the arms of her beloved Pete. She looks into the ocean and sees her son standing watching as the island continues to play tricks with her mind. Her son smiles at her. "I love you mum," he whispers. Then the boy vanishes)
(Lea starts to cry as she pushes Pete away. it seems she has finally come to her senses)
LEA "I don’t f00kin believe it! Ow could i forget me own son? Well not no more, am telling ya things are gonna be different, from nahh on he comes first, i aint gonna do nuffin to embarrass him no more, am gonna make im proper proud am telling ya"
PETE "Yeahhhh that’s the spirit Lea, click click, its gonna be WICKED man, fakin WICKED"
LEA "Right, first things first" (Lea starts pulling down her knickers as she waddles off into the undergrowth) "Am just off into jungle to ave a p1ss, if you wanna cum with me and play with me enormous t1ts ye can do!"
PETE (clicks his fingers and starts to follow her) "Wowser!"
DAY 1 6.41PM
(Meanwhile, not very deep in the jungle. Two of the survivors are searching for water. The leader of the group, The adult, is cutting his way through the undergrowth with a scythe, while wearing a tight fitting vest and a jungle hat. As he is doing this a 12 year old girl is skipping playfully behind him. The two survivors have been searching for water for exactly 4 minutes)
NIKKI "I’m bored Richuuurd, are we nearly there yet?"
RICHARD "For pity’s sake girl will you please stop asking me that, just try and enjoy yourself, i mean look around you, this place is just fabulous darling"
NIKKI (pouting) "But I’m tired Richard, I’m just so tired today! It seems like we’ve been walking for hours, and its too cold Richuuuurd, its just too cold today, Nikki just wants to go back to bed and snuggle under her duvet, can we go back now please Richuuuurd?"
RICHARD "no we cant go back Nikki, we’ve only just left, look you can still see the others on the beach, and you’re the one who wanted to find freshwater, you know you wont drink anything unless its been purified by being filtered through molten rock for millions of years"
NIKKI "I’m sorry Richuuurd, I’m just so cold, i can’t help itttt"
RICHARD "You know you’re a very entertaining person Nikki but you can be really infuriating at times, and will you please stop complaining about the cold! Its at least 90 for pity’s sake"
NIKKI "i knoooow it is Richard, that’s why I’m wearing my parka, Nikki likes it hotter than this, much hotter (excitedly taking his arm) I’ll tell you something Richuuuurd, listen to this, listen to this! Did you know? Did you know? At home my gas bill is three HHHHundred pounds! Three HHHHundred pounds! I have the heating on constantly, day and night, day and night. 30 degrees, just constantly on, day and night! This! (Gestures around her) this is like 10 degrees, its f$cking Antarctica for gods sake. that’s why I’m so unhappy richuuuuurd!"
RICHARD "Well I’m sorry darling you’ll just have to put up with it, i mean what is it with you? You’re such a little princess, how on earth did you get to be so spoilt?"
(Suddenly Nikki has a flashback. she is no longer on the island. Nikki is back at her parents house. her mum and dad are sitting watching television in the lounge, when a 6 year old Nikki skips playfully into the room)
NIKKI "Muuuuuuum, can i have a pony please?"
NIKKI`S MUM "What? absolutely not, ponies far too expensive, you can have a gerbil instead"
NIKKI "But muuuuum, i don’t want a stupid gerbil, Nikki wants a pony, pleeeeeease muuuum"
NIKKI`S MUM "Absolutely not"
(Nikki bursts into tears and starts stamping her foot on the floor)
NIKKI "BUT I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp) I WANT ONE (stamp)"
NIKKI`S DAD "Oh for the love of god, will you shut that child up, just go and buy her a pony"
NIKKI` S MUM (getting up) "Oh alright, but we really shouldn’t keep spoiling her you know"
NIKKI`S DAD "Oh don’t be silly, it wont do her any harm"
NIKKI (smiling) "Thanks daddy"
(Suddenly Nikki is back on the island again, she watches Richard continue to scythe through the under growth and starts to shiver)
NIKKI (pulling her parka tightly around her) "I’m sure its getting colder richuuuuurd, its absolutely freeeeezing"
RICHARD "Well I’m sorry darling there isn’t much i can do about it, you’ll just have to take it up with mother nature I’m afraid"
NIKKI (stands still and starts to pout while frantically waving her arms) WHAT? Well who is she? Who is this Mother Nature person? Who is SHE? Because i tell you something richuuuurd (starts to cry) I’m sick and tired of battling with her over the weather! I really am, i just don’t have the energy in me anymore Richard, and I’m sick and tired of it! I just don’t have the energy anymore; I’m just so cold richuuuurd! I’m just so coOooOoOoOoOoOLLLLLDD!!! How many times do i have to tell you that I’m freezing? How many times? Well I’m going home in the morning, i suggest you have my suitcase here because I’m not staying here on this mysterious island one minute longer than absolutely necessary"
RICHARD (puts his finger to his lips) "Shhhhhhhh, Nikki, did you hear that?
NIKKI "What? What was it? What was it?"
RICHARD "It sounded like running water, coming from over there (Richard starts running in the direction of the sound) "come on follow me, oh isn’t it exciting darling? This is just fabulous!"
(Richard and Nikki start running through the jungle. as they close in on the sound of running water they slow down to a crawl. Richard cautiously approaches a bush)
RICHARD "I think its coming from behind here"
(Richard pulls back some of the branches to reveal Lea crouching on the floor with her knickers around her ankles. Pete is stood behind her gently fondling her breasts)
PETE "W.A.N.K.E.R.S"
LEA "F00kin ell, cant a girl take a p1ss withooot a bit of f00kin privacy on this island, tw$ting ell?"
RICHARD "Oh I’m so sorry darlings, i do apologise, come on Nikki, lets go, there must be some water around here somewhere"
NIKKI (smiling coyly and waving) "Bye Petey"
PETE "Yeah, see you later Nikki, hehehehehehe (punches self in throat)
(Richard and nikki once again set off into the jungle, with Richard scything his way through the undergrowth, while Nikki is skipping playfully behind him)
NIKKI "I’m bored richuuurd, are we nearly there yet?"
To not be continued......................
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