BB8 Highlights, day 17

THE DIRECTORS CUT

DAY 17
09.34am
Most of the housemates are in the bedroom. Nicky and Carole are in the kitchen talking. Carole is on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, while Nicky is telling her how she hates the way the rest of the other housemates perceive her, as a constantly moaning, self indulgent, short tempered, control freak. When in reality, she is actually a fun person to be around, with an incredibly gifted sense of humour. Carole advises Nicky, that if she was to relax a bit more, and to stop taking everything so seriously, then her true personality would be given the chance to shine through. Nicky tells Carole that she hasn’t got a clue what she is talking about, and when she wants her opinion she will ask for it. Before calling her an interfering b1tch, telling her to get on with the cleaning, stamping her feet, then storming off in a mood to the diary room.

10.35am
Sam, Amanda, Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bedroom. Sam and Amanda are giggling hysterically while bouncing up and down on their bed, after realizing they have accidentally got dressed in each other’s clothes. Ziggy and Chanelle are in bed together talking. Ziggy tells Chanelle that as its eviction night, they really need to think about moving their romance on to a next level, to ensure they receive enough airtime during the following nights, highlights show. Chanelle agrees, but is uncertain how far to go, as she doesn’t wish to humiliate herself, while her friends and family are watching. Ziggy tells her not to worry as she can trust him, and he would never do anything to embarrass her on national television, before pulling out his erection, and rubbing himself frantically to orgasm against her leg.

11.55am
Seany is in the bathroom, showing his extrovert side by wearing a hat. Shabnam and Charley are in the lounge talking. Charley is flicking her hair, and gazing adoringly in to the cameras, while Shabnam is practicing her eviction dance routine in front of the mirrors. Shabnam has been practicing her eviction dance routine for 3 hours and 54 minutes. Charley is telling Shabnam about how all the other housemates are treating them as outcasts, because they are both beautiful and popular, and how they are destined for stardom in the outside world. Shabnam agrees with her totally. Before crossing her fingers behind her back, and telling Charley that she really doesn’t give a sh1t, because they are both truthful and honest, and they never lie about anything. Charley agrees with her. Before crossing her fingers behind her back, and telling Shabnam about the time she enjoyed a torrid foursome, with Fred, Daphne and Wilma in the back of the Scooby van.

2.34pm
Tracey, Carole and Laura are in the garden. Tracey is proper Aving it, and keeping it real, by smoking a phat roll up, and combing her hair with a hedgehog. Laura and Carole are struggling for breath, after changing into their bikinis an hour ago, and then collapsing by the pool. Laura is telling Carole about how hungry she is, after Nicky would only allow her to eat 8 cakes for breakfast. Carole tells her she knows exactly how she feels, as she was only allowed to eat 12 pieces of toast. Laura tells Carole that Nicky is turning into a complete control freak, and how something must be done before it’s too late. Carole agrees with her completely, before struggling to her feet, and telling Laura that she has to go, as Nicky has instructed her to thoroughly clean the bathroom before teatime.

3.56pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Sam and Amanda are in the garden, pointing and staring open mouthed, while uttering the word "amazing!" at a plane that is passing overhead. Gerry and Seany are in the bedroom talking. Seany is showing his flamboyant nature by wearing another hat, as they gaze into each others eyes. Seany and Gerry have each had an erection for 4 1/2 minutes. Seany is telling Gerry how he is only attracted to straight looking gay men, as he has only recently come out, and camp men remind him too much of his sexuality. Gerry tells him he doesn’t fancy him anyway, he just finds him an extremely interesting person to talk to, and how he feels they have a lot to learn from each other during their time together in the house. Seany agrees with Gerry, before tickling him on the chest, telling him he’s it, then chasing each other around the bedroom in their underpants, while giggling like a pair of schoolgirls.

5.07pm
Nicky is in the diary room, telling Big Brother about what a fun person she is to be around, and how she just has trouble relaxing in the house, and allowing her true personality to shine through. Big Brother advises Nicky that if she were to share a few of the household duties she would have lots more free time, giving herself ample opportunity to demonstrate her carefree nature to the rest of her housemates. Nicky tells Big Brother that when she wants their opinion she will ask for it, before calling them a bunch of interfering b1tches, throwing a pork pie at the camera, and demanding to be released from the diary room.

6.15pm
Tracey, Charley and Shabnam are in the bedroom. Tracey is proper Aving it, and keeping it real, by lying on her bed, picking fleas out of her hair, while telling Charley and Shabnam that she’s Tracey, deal with it. As its eviction night, Shabnam is trying on her 53rd eviction outfit, while crossing her fingers behind her back, and telling Charley that she really doesn’t give a sh1t about leaving, as she has achieved what she came in the house to do. Charley agrees with her, before crossing her fingers behind her back and apologizing for accusing her of stealing her bananas, and promising to stay in touch once they are back in the outside world.

7.15pm
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Sam and Amanda have just run into the house after noticing their reflections in one of the garden mirrors, and are jumping up and down excitedly, while they tell everyone they have spotted another set of twins living in the house next door. Ziggy and Chanelle are in the bathroom. As its eviction night Ziggy and Chanelle are in the shower, moving their relationship forward by sponging each other down with hot soapy water, while frantically french kissing. Ziggy and three of the cameramen have each had an erection for 14 minutes.

7.55pm
Nicky, Carole and Tracey are in the kitchen talking. Nicky is preparing a meal while asking Tracey if she thinks she is a fun person to be around, as she doesn’t want the rest of the house to view her a constantly moaning, self indulgent, short tempered, control freak. Tracey tells Nicky, that it really doesn’t matter because it’s all gravy man, you just got to deal with it. Nicky tells Tracey that it isn’t gravy, it’s a pan of soup, and how Tracey hasnt got a clue what she’s talking about. Before calling her an interfering b1tch, throwing the pan of soup on the floor, telling Carole to mop it up, and then storming into the garden for a cigarette.

8.40pm
Charley, and Laura are in the garden talking. Laura is beached by the pool, struggling to breathe, after foolishly trying to get up 45 minutes ago. Charley is telling Laura about how she never tells lies, before inhaling sharply, crossing her fingers behind her back, and then launching into a non stop monologue about what a beautiful and popular person she is the outside world. After listening to Charley talk about herself for 15 minutes. Laura decides enough is enough, before once again struggling to move. Laura has just about given up hope, when 4 members of save the whale, climb over the garden wall, remove Charley`s batteries, and drag Laura safely back into the water.

9.10pm
Billi has entered the Big Brother house. Billi is a successful 25-year-old wrestling fan from Middlesex. With a passion for watching nearly naked, oiled up men, grappling with each other in a ring. Billi, is apparently straight. Most of the housemates have gathered around Billi and are jumping up and down excitedly. Ziggy is watching him suspiciously from the sofa.

9.15pm
Liam has entered the Big Brother house. Liam is a 22 year old, ladies man from Durham. Most of the housemates have gathered around Liam and are jumping up and down excitedly. Ziggy is watching him suspiciously from the sofa, while Laura is in the bedroom, trembling and covering up her thighs, after discovering Liam is a tree surgeon, and enjoys nothing more than chopping up thick wooden trunks.

9.20pm
Brian has entered the Big brother house. Most of the housemates have gathered around Brian and are jumping up and down excitedly. Ziggy is watching him suspiciously from the sofa. After being introduced to each of the housemates. Brian writes down the names of the twins on his hand, and immediately starts praying to the cosmos.

9.25pm
Jonathon has entered the Big Brother house. Carole has gathered around him, and is wobbling up and down excitedly. The rest of the housemates are watching him suspiciously from the sofa. Carole asks Jonathon what he does for a living, and Jonathon explains to her that he is a multi millionaire. Then watches as the rest of the housemates immediately gather around him and start jumping up and down excitedly.

10.05pm
All of the housemates have been gathered in the lounge. Davina announces that Shabnam is the first housemate to be evicted. Shabnam is crossing her fingers while telling everybody that she really doesn’t give a sh1t, as it was her time to leave, and promising to stay in touch with them all in the future. All of the housemates are crossing their fingers, while hugging Shabnam, and telling her how much they are going to miss her.

10.35pm
Shabnam EVENTUALLY leaves the Big Brother house. Nicky is in the diary room, telling Big Brother that with the arrival of the new housemates she is worried about how they will be able to divide up what little is left of the food, as there is barely enough to go around. Before asking Big Brother if she can put in a request for a ballpoint pen.

03.30am
Most of the housemates are in bed. Charley is trapped in the garden, after inadvertently passing between the cross section of four mirrors, and is unable to tear herself away. Nicky is in the kitchen, carefully writing her name on each individual cornflake. Nicky has been writing her name on each individual cornflake for 3 hours and 23 minutes.

For more stories over the past 24-hours log onto www.channel4.com/bigbrother