BB8 Highlights, day 24

THE DIRECTORS CUT

DAY 24
09.34am
Most of the housemates are in bed. Charley is in the diary room talking to Big Brother. Yesterday Laura and Seany played a practical joke on Charley by putting a small piece of damp toilet paper in the bottom of her boot. Charley is telling Big Brother how since entering the house, she feels she has become the victim of a sinister campaign of bullying. She is also telling Big Brother how she hopes the British public will rally behind her, and show their support, much as they did earlier in the year with Shilpa Shetty. Charley then promises Big Brother that she isn’t lying, before telling them about the time she enjoyed a torrid threesome with David Beckham and Bernard Manning, while working as a voluntary charity worker in Africa.

Big Brother immediately begins chanting GET CHARLEY OUT!

11.15am
Most of the housemates are in the lounge. Chanelle, Ziggy, Billi, and Billi’s nose are in the bedroom talking. Chanelle is lay on her bed wearing a bikini, while Billi is straddling her back tenderly massaging her shoulders. Ziggy is telling Chanelle that although he isn’t jealous. He really feels they ought to consider putting their relationship on hold, as he doesn’t wish to be humiliated, or made to look like a fool while appearing on national television. Chanelle tells Ziggy he has no reason to feel jealous as she and Billi are just friends and there is nothing going on between them. Before slipping her bikini bottoms off, and asking Billi if he wouldn’t mind massaging her buttocks, as she is feeling particularly tense today.

12.45pm
All of the housemates are in the lounge talking. As its eviction night, and there are still eight hours until the public votes are counted. Seany is telling his fellow housemates, and the watching cameras, about what a fun person he is to be around, and how the sound of laughter has filled the house ever since he arrived. He then tells them that he really hopes he isn’t evicted, and promises to be even more entertaining over the next few weeks if given the opportunity to stay. Charley and Chanelle, who both voted for Seany, immediately rush to console him, and begin telling him that they can’t believe he has even been nominated, as he has brought so much enjoyment to the house. Before uncontrollably bursting into tears, hugging Seany, and calling the rest of the housemates a bunch of two faced, lying back stabbers, who ought to be ashamed of themselves.

2.34pm
Some of the housemates are in the garden. Sam and Amanda are chasing each other around the pool, while making up a jolly social services song about taking children into care. Nicky and Jonathon are in the bathroom. Nicky is in the shower gently sponging herself down, while Jonathon, is outside breathing heavily with his hands and face pressed against the shower door. Nicky asks Jonathon if he wouldn’t mind leaving her alone, and giving her some privacy as she is trying to have a wash. Jonathon tells Nicky that he isn’t a pervert, he was just trying to make her lower her defences as he finds her an incredibly interesting person to talk to, before demanding an apology from Nicky, pulling his trousers back up, and storming into the bedroom.

4.44pm
Some of the housemates are in the lounge. Carole is in the diary room seeing a psychologist after Liam accidentally used her towel to wipe his hands with earlier in the day. Tracey, charley and Liam are in the garden talking. Tracey is keeping it real and making herself presentable, by smoking a phat roll up and dragging herself backwards through a bush. Charley is telling Liam that she is really glad he was given the money, as he is a really genuine guy, and she didn’t want it anyway. Liam thanks her, before bursting into tears and telling her that he can't believe how nice everybody is, as he really doesn’t deserve it. Charley then warns Liam to be on his guard. As there are certain people in the house who would go to any lengths to get hold of his money, before pulling down her top, thrusting her breasts in his face, and asking Liam whether he thinks she has better nipples than Nicky.

5.30pm
All of the housemates have been locked in the bedroom. D J Sunset, one of last year’s golden ticket winners. Has clambered over the garden wall, still clutching his ticket, and is banging on the lounge room window demanding to be let into the house. As he still believes he would have made a more interesting housemate than Susie. Big Brother sighs very deeply, and tells D J sunset that if he promises to leave quietly they will consider granting him an audience with Dermot O’Leary, so he can tell him what a successful gambler he is. D J Sunset agrees and is eventually dragged off the premises by two burly security guards.Big Brother seriously considers calling in the men in white coats.

6.34pm
Laura is in the bedroom, sweating profusely and struggling for breath, after thinking about getting up 1 hour and 15 minutes ago. Ziggy, Chanelle, Billi, and Billi’s nose are in the lounge talking. Chanelle and Billi are in the bath sponging each other down, while Ziggy is watching them suspiciously from the sofa. Ziggy tells Chanelle that despite what people think he isn’t jealous, he just believes that age gap could be a problem between them at a later date. Chanelle tells Ziggy that he has no reason to be jealous. As she and Billi are just friends, and there is nothing going on between them, before asking Billi if he would like to play a game of park the submarine in the underwater sea port.

7.02pm
Brian is in the garden, laughing at nothing in particular, and praying to the cosmos. Brian has just finished praying to the cosmos, when the twins come running out of the house, wearing tiny bikinis and ask Brian if he would like to play with them both in the pool? Brian immediately puts his hands together and thanks the cosmos, before stripping down to his thong, and jumping quickly into the water.

7.54pm
Some of the housemates are in the lounge. Carole is in the diary room, pulling her hair out, and suffering a nervous breakdown, after Liam inadvertently used her to towel to wipe his face with earlier in the afternoon. Seany, Laura, Gerry and Charley are in the bedroom. A few moments ago Seany and Laura played a practical joke on Gerry by rolling a condom over his head while he was sleeping, and are now watching while Gerry staggers around the bedroom nearly suffocating to death. Charley, who earlier in the day complained to Big Brother after finding a damp tissue in her boot, is now laughing hysterically, and telling Gerry to lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously, as it really was just a bit of harmless fun.

8.02pm
Gerry is in the diary room complaining to Big Brother that his head smells of condom lube. Nicky and Jonathon are in the garden. Nicky is sunbathing and Jonathon is watching her from the other side of the garden. Nicky asks Jonathon if he wouldn’t mind turning the other way, as she can feel his eyes undressing her, and is it beginning to make her feel slightly uncomfortable. Jonathon tells Nicky that he isn’t a pervert. He was just sitting in the garden thinking about how much money he has, before demanding an apology, putting his erection back in his Speedos, and asking Nicky if he can borrow a tissue?

10.05pm
Seany has been evicted from the Big Brother house. Chanelle and Charley who earlier in the week nominated Seany, are sobbing hysterically, and telling everybody that they cant believe he has really gone. Laura, who has been trying to muster up the energy to get dressed for 5 hours and 45 minutes, enters from the bedroom still wearing her pyjamas, and asks everybody where Seany has gone. After discovering her friend has been evicted, Laura bursts into tears, before collapsing on the sofa, and asking somebody if they can get her a cake as her sugar levels are becoming dangerously low.

12.05am
Some of the housemates are in the lounge. Ziggy, Chanelle, Billi, and Billi’s nose are in the bedroom talking. Chanelle is naked on her bed, being taken vigorously from behind by Billi, while Ziggy is watching suspiciously from across the room. Ziggy tells Chanelle that he has been a complete idiot, and that he has finally realised that her and Billi are just good friends after all, and that there is nothing going on between them. Chanelle asks Ziggy if they can talk about it in the morning, as she is fairly busy right now, before biting down hard on her pillow to stifle her moans. Ziggy agrees, and promises to be more trusting in the future, before kissing her goodnight, and climbing into bed beside them.

02.34am
Carole is the lounge, frantically rocking backwards and forwards while watching her towel drying on the rack. When Nicky enters from the bedroom and asks Carole if she has seen a pair of her panties that she lost earlier in the day. Carole, who has been watching her towel dry for 2 hours and 16 minutes, leaps out of her chair and grabs Nicky by the throat, while telling her that she hasn’t seen her panties, and that if she even thinks about touching her towel she will rip her god damn face off, and take a sh1t down her f$$king throat!

Big Brother immediately calls Carole back to the diary room

02.36am
Most of the housemates are in bed asleep. Jonathon is in the bathroom, sitting naked on the toilet, with a pair of Nicky’s panties over his face, while masturbating furiously into his sock. Jonathon has been masturbating furiously into his sock for 1 hour and 5 minutes, when Nicky enters from the bedroom and begins to scream.

Big Brother immediately calls Jonathon to the diary room.

For more stories over the past 24-hours log onto www.channel4.com/bigbrother